


I never told you what I do for a living (Will x Stephen)

by emmastrenchcoat



Category: British YouTube - Fandom, Stephen Tries, Video Blogging RPF, WillNE, XO - Fandom
Genre: Breakup, M/M, MCR, Song Inspired, Summer, YouTube, im so sorry, sad fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2019-05-23 08:51:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14931104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmastrenchcoat/pseuds/emmastrenchcoat
Summary: Some of the dialogue in this fic is based on the song "I never told you what I do for a living" by My Chemical Romance; I highly recommend you listen to it or at least read the lyrics. Also we've written so many Will x Stephen fics that AO3 has added tags for their relationship and for Will as a character!!!!!





	I never told you what I do for a living (Will x Stephen)

**Author's Note:**

> I have barely any WiFi atm so please bear with me if I can't reply to comments right away xxx but thank you so much for any feedback or kudos!!!

As summer rolled around in England, people had shorter work days or summer holidays, and thus they demanded more entertainment to fill those empty slots of time. One of the best forms of entertainment indeed was YouTube, and it just so happens that Will Lenney had gained a more than decent following, hitting an incredible one million subscribers just a few months prior. To him the summer therefore was the ideal season to peak in content creation and view counts. 

Really no YouTuber was an exception to the correlation of summer and ad revenue/ views, so self-proclaimed badman Stephen Lawson also spent more time writing, filming, and editing than ever before, as his channel too was growing at a highly satisfactory rate. 

Will and Stephen had been going out for quite some time. Only once their tension from jokes and insinuations in various videos grew too much to bear, their friends, George and Tom specifically, set them up. In Will's humble opinion it was the best idea that he had ever agreed to by far, because here they were, over a year later, with a plethora of amazing memories. 

Undoubtedly both men were at their happiest. 

Anyone who knew them, even their subscribers, could see that they are in a state of near constant joy and laughter. Will liked to think that even in the hardest of times, as in when their CPM was basically nonexistent, they stayed strong. One particularly bad month in late 2017 had rendered them unable to talk to each other for a week, but they were fine afterwards. It was the same when one of Will's closer friends passed away, something he never even hinted at on the internet. It was a very private and devastating matter, but he knew that Stephen was there and by his side- supportive- at all times. 

Thus it came as a surprise when they were sat in one of their favourite restaurants in late September- their first date since early June- with nothing to say to each other. The rain was throwing itself onto the windows, one of which Stephen was currently staring out of.

Will was poking at his chicken, after having barely touched his vegetables. He should be happy, both of them should. Their view counts and subscribers had almost doubled just in the summer months- their hard work had paid off. Or had it? Will was, in fact, doubting the greatness of the aftermath of working hard every day, neglecting his relationship with Stephen. Despite the thick cloud of awkwardness and despair that was hovering so closely above their heads, Will cracked a little smile. 

"Hey, Stephen", he said, pulling the younger boy back to Earth. 

"Hm?", he responded. 

"How about we go and watch that new film- what's it called- next week? We haven't been to the cinema in ages."

Will chocked on the last part of his proposition- not literally, but mentally. Not only was he stating the obvious (rehashing information without any conversational value, which was something both boys prided themselves in not doing) but the obvious was hitting him hard. They hadn't been to the cinema in ages; they hadn't been out together in ages at all. 

Stephen had resumed looking out of the window, having shrugged to answer Will's question, not even bothering with his own meal. It was his favourite, too. 

"Hey", Will susurrated, taking the other's limp hand, "do you want to go home? I know you're tired". 

At this Stephen finally responded properly, moving the corners of his lips upwards. A nod. A smile. Usually contagious, but this time just a catalyst for relief within Will. 

After they paid and walked home together, Will scolded himself for doubting the strength of their bond. Both of them just needed time to readjust to life together, as a team. They'd been going solo for so long that they were just rusty when it came to loving each other. 

Will sighed, Stephen looking up at him. The latter folded his arms over his torso, shivering slightly. The night was unusually chilly. Will, who had extended his hand to meet Stephen's, copied the action instead. The walk home was long and deficient in conversation. Perhaps oxygen, too, as Will found his breathing to be more intense, his heartbeat growing faster. It was nothing. These were first-date butterflies all over again. Yes, that was it.

For the rest of the walk he recounted the experience. After George had finally convinced him that it was in fact not a joke, and that Stephen would definitely be up for it, they met at a smaller restaurant in London. What they didn't know is that their favourite foods had been made especially upon the request of their friends, so they enjoyed a fantastic meal with two candles and a red wine on their table. They were so engrossed in conversation and laughter that they forgot to have first-date awkwardness. Once they were on their way home they held hands and Will felt a tingling sensation on his stomach and his head was spinning. He let himself be in love. He let himself unconditionally fall for the man next to him, who seemed just as over-the-moon. They had walked to Stephen's hotel, though when they were at the entrance the ginger shyly asked if he could perhaps stay with Will for the night. Not in a different bed and room, but properly, Will then added and hugged the smaller boy as he agreed. It was a good hug, one that lasted, one that brought their hearts as close as possible. They stayed in that position for a long time, just enjoying each other's presence. Will would never forget the first time he was so close to Stephen that he smelled his shampoo and cologne as separate, distinct scents. It was overwhelming and beautiful. Once they arrived at Will's flat they mutually agreed that his would become their date night routine. Will especially agreed with the idea when they were up against the wall right next to his front door, their lips mere centimetres apart. They breathed heavily and Will put his hand on Stephen's cheek as they looked into each other's eyes. Stephen managed to faintly whisper 'is this the part where we kiss' without killing he mood. Will chuckled and felt a wave of emotion drown his heart in love as he realised more and more how much he had been missing out on by suppressing his feelings for this man. He then responded only by closing the minuscule gap between their lips. The first kiss that Will and Stephen ever shared was long and slow. They let their lips just explore this new feeling, treasuring the moment in their hearts and minds. The second kiss that Will and Stephen ever shared directly followed the first, though it was slightly faster and their lips began to move a little more. Smiling and both slightly giddy, they went to the bedroom where they told each other stories and laughed until their eyelids were too heavy to keep themselves open. As Stephen moved his head right where Will's chest was, Will wrapped his arms around him. They fell asleep just as they woke up. It was a crystal clear understanding that this was true love. 

Will didn't notice that they had arrived right in front of his front door until Stephen nudged him and said, "keys, Will?" 

"Right, of course" Will replied, shaking himself out of the flashback. 

Silently they walked into his bedroom. As they crept under the blankets Will cherished Stephen's smell once more. It was just as sweet and familiar as on their first day. Stephen himself had obviously already fallen asleep, as he didn't respond to Will talking to him. It was late anyway, and they were fatigued. 

Turning his head towards Stephen, Will noted that his back was turned towards him. He was sleeping on his left side, which was odd, as usually Stephen preferred not to do so. Will dismissed it as a side effect of overworking for three months. 

He tried to go to sleep as well, but it was once again unusually cold as he sensed no warmth in the bed, not even as he shifted right next to Stephen. He was as cold as death. He put his hand onto the other's shoulder, a severe downgrade from what they used to do. 'Used to', what was he talking about? They would again; the only requirement was patience. So, after Stephen subconsciously turned his body farther away, thus shaking off Will's hand, he decided that he was just going to have to give this matter time. Relationships to him were like flowers: beautiful and worth every bit of work, but requiring watering and frequent sunlight. As he closed his eyes to end the day, he scoffed at the irony of their lack of sunlight in summer, of all times. 

The morning rolled around, and getting up was as hard as falling asleep, even though it was very early, and they couldn't stay in the land of dreams any longer. The bed was still icy. In fact, Will could have sworn that the temperature dropped over night, even when his phone told him otherwise. 

They didn't eat breakfast. They just sat at Will's dining room table at 5 in the morning, sipping grey coffee. 

Stephen got up and faced the window, his drink abandoned only half done. 

"Stephen", Will initiated their first conversation since the previous night, "I know summer has been hard on us. But it's over now, we can spend as much time together as we did before. Stephen? Listen, I know we've been separated for a long time, but don't you think we can just go back to who we were before?" 

Will got up from the table too, growing more worried. Stephen still hadn't spoken a word. 

"I love you", he tried again, "and now all my energy and focus will be on you". 

Stephen turned around. Finally Will saw a glistening tear on his face. He looked broken.

"I don't think we can do that", he breathed, and inhaled sharply. 

"No, Stephen, don't say that, I know it seems hard but we can fix this. Remember our first date, how we instantly knew we would never fall a-"

"Will", Stephen interrupted, a dangerously large distance away from the taller man, "you'll find someone else some day. Both of us will. But this- you and I- this isn't meant to continue, but Will we'll love again, we'll laugh again-".

"No, please Stephen don't do this", Will gasped, taking a step closer, only to be faced with Stephen taking one back in response. 

"We'll cry again, and we'll dance again, just not like this, not together", the latter continued. 

"Stephen-"

"And it's better off this way, so much better of this way-"

Will stopped trying to stop the inevitable. This was it. There was nothing he could do or say to change Stephen's mind. Being painfully aware of this, he realised how big of a hole was being ripped in his heart at that moment. He can't get rid of all the videos they made together. He can't erase the memories they created. He can't forget the warming familiarity of Stephen's presence. He can't wash his brain from his looks-

"But I can't clean your scent of the sheets in my bed! I could never unlearn you, could never destroy the world you gave to me, the one that we nourished together." Will suddenly shouted, ashamed at his anger and frustration with someone he loved so dearly. 

"Will, listen to me. We're cold. Distant. We can't fix this anymore, we went too far and now we're feeling the consequences!" Stephen yelled back. 

This took Will by surprise, and horribly so. Happy-go-lucky Stephen Lawson was yelling, screaming his sentiments into the cold, stiff air. 

"Stephen, it's not like I never told you what I do for a living! Not like you didn't tell me either, like we don't do the same thing. We knew summer would cause us to be more private but we told each other it'd be alright! Remember last year, when we had basically no CPM? We were fine after that!"

"Will. No we weren't. We grew so far apart as all you could think about for two weeks was getting your money back, and I understand why, but you didn't even text me. That was two weeks, Will. You never said you wouldn't even go out with me once in three months. I'm sorry but I can't forget this and I can't live on like this". 

Stephen's words stung Will like lemon juice on a paper cut. If paper cuts existed in hearts, that is. 

The brunet was lost for words. He forgot how to breathe and struggled to stand on his feet. The frown on Stephen's face softened and he stepped towards Will, putting his hand on the other's cheek. It was nothing but two chunks of frozen flesh making contact.

"I'm so sorry", he whispered, then dropped his hand as if it were made of stone, before turning his back and walking away. Out of his apartment. Out of his life. Will didn't know how long it took or if Stephen even put his shoes on again. All he heard was the door slam. 

This was it. It was over. He sank to the floor and curled his knees up towards his faintly beating heart. Dropping his head into his lap he sobbed once. Twice. He was choking, drowning, falling into an endless black abyss. This was his fault. Now Stephen was lost. He lost it all. Never would this be undone. A stream of tears flooded Will's face. 

He lay down on the cold wood and stopped counting the hours of pain.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry


End file.
